Ideas for all educators
How to best help our students
By Kristen Wolf
kwolf@monfortonschool.org
Over the course of my life, I have worked with
children of all ages. Adjudicated teens
in the backcountry, infants and toddlers in a preschool setting, and now
through teaching Spanish in classrooms with grades K- 8. I wanted to pass along some of the language
and tools that I have used over the years to help other educators who struggle
to make learning a positive experience for their students. I try to do this while establishing strong
boundaries. A lot of these are common
sense, yet the wording is what has helped me so much!! Be creative with your wording and don’t be
afraid to experiment.
17
Lessons I have learned while teaching students from
0-18. Most of my language and ideas are inspired by Dr. Gordon Neufeld (author of Hold
on to Your Kids). Please check out
his wonderful free videos on YouTube.
1.
Approach every situation with your
students as if you were in their shoes. The
golden rule always applies! Do unto
others as you would have them do unto you.
Walk a mile in their shoes! Use phrases like “I am with you” or “We’re
ok” or “We are getting there” to help them to know that you are there to help
them when you enforce rules and firm boundaries. They are more likely to listen to someone if
they feel supported.
2.
When one of your students maybe frustrated
and/or mad, empathize first and then draw out the tears. “You really wanted a turn. Sadly, class is over. I will make sure you get a turn next
time. I hear you.” Tears are a
healthy and normal release. Stuck tears
can force your child to go into protection mode, and when they are there, they
cannot grow and adapt to adversity.
Tears help pave the way for your child to mature and accept that life
can be frustrating at times. Make room
for the emotion and it will benefit you and the child in the long run. They will feel heard, and still remain
connected to you and will therefore learn from you.
3.
When the connection is in tact (i.e. they
are following you and not their peers), tell stories to your students about
fierce animals who protect their young and why they do this. “Bears are fierce to protect their
children. Just like I am, because I care
about you and I am here to keep you safe.” This will prepare their minds for the times
that you may be frustrated by their actions.
4.
Mention to your students how you are
always going to care about them. “I will always care about you. I care about you no matter what mistakes you
make.” They need constant reassurance,
just like we do! It will help to keep
the connection strong between you and them, so they are more likely to listen
when you need to hold up firm boundaries.
5.
When they get very silly or something
isn’t working out, as in when they begin to hit or bite or push, we can say, “This is not working.” Take charge with little words and remove them
promptly from the situation, because they are in a defensive mode or peer
attached. Talk about it later with them,
quietly and privately so they may feel safe.
You will know when they are ready.
No one, adults included, can hear
you when they are in a defensive state of mind. They need to be connected with you, to really
hear what you have to say. When speaking
to them, less is more!!
6.
Collect
your students before you direct them
to do anything. If they are not focused
on you, take one moment to see what they are interested in and talk to them
about it in a way to get them to refocus on you. Listen too, if needed. “Wow,
you really like music. I love music,
too. Can you help me to get your friends ready to sing our next song? I have a song I wanted to sing with
you.” If your students are attached
to you, you can get them do to most anything.
It does take more time, but the payoffs are HUGE in the long run.
7.
This one is very hard for me!! Make sure they rarely feel bad about
expressing themselves, even in a violent way.
They are learning, like we are.
If they hit, remember you probably have too in your lifetime. “When
you are frustrated, come to me. I know
just what to do. I am here to help you.” If they feel that you are with them to
help, they are more likely to move through the emotions and the situation
faster and with grace in the future.
8.
Rewards are short terms fixes to any long
term problems. If you reward behavior
with candy or stickers, etc., your students could start to go through life
expecting something in return for each good deed. Ideally, we want our students to do the right
thing because they admire us, and because it feels good. Get to the root of the matter. Are they upset about sharing something or
they didn’t get the partner they wanted?
“Sometimes it might be hard to
share. OR I know you wanted to be with
Julie.” Normalize what they are
feeling. In other words, make them see
that what they are going through is completely normal. We all feel that way at times. If they feel heard, they will be ok with
whatever you decide and enforce.
9.
When they are going somewhere, prepare them to connect with adults, not kids.
“Mrs. Woods is so excited to see you at school today. If
you need help, go straight to her,
she knows what to do. She is there
to help you.” This is called
match-making. Studies have shown, kids
who are connected to their elders are always more stable emotionally than those
connected with peers. You can also do
this when a student is missing their family members. “Mom
and dad are thinking about you, right now!
You may not believe it, but it is true.”
10.
When they need to go with you right away,
to avoid danger or when you wish for them to stay away from certain situations,
talk to them about it before hand, if possible.
Script the behavior that you
hope to see in the future. “Sometimes you don’t want to come with me,
but I know what is best. Coming with me
when I ask, is the right thing to do because I care about you.”
11.
Always remind them that they know how to do what is right, because they do!!! They know what is right, and if they forget,
you are here to help. Doing what is
right should feel good. They may even
start to help you remember what is right when you stray from the path.
12.
“Don’t
worry, I will take care of it!!” They need to know you
always have their best interests in mind, especially when you are holding firm
boundaries. Always try to remain in the gentle leader position. Ease their worried minds. When they worry, they climb on top of you
(figuratively, not literally) and then they are not growing and maturing, they
are in a defensive mind mode, because they don’t have a kind, strong adult role
model to follow.
13.
When they make the right decision, remind
them they are maturing and growing up.
If this applies try saying: “I
can tell you are growing up when you help your friend to find the right
words. You knew just what to do.” That’s our goal right? To help them grow and mature in a positive
way. Try not to say you are proud, even
though you are! That’s an external
reward, from you. The child’s deep sense of internal satisfaction is so very important to
cultivate.
14.
Never send them away when they are
upset. If they go on their own, that’s
one thing. Life can be difficult but we always have each other. It’s important for them to have someone who
will care for them no matter what behaviors they express. How do we feel when our best friends or
partners send us away to “get over it” or if they said “call me when you are
done crying.”? Hold firm with your “no”
and let them know that you are still there to help them to grow. Empathy is a very powerful tool to use in
aiding us to be ok hold firm with our values.
15.
When a student needs space, they might
push or say stop. Give them the language to help them and their peers to understand
personal boundaries. “When June says
stop, we listen to her and we stop right away.”
Or “When Amos says ‘I need a little room’, we give him room because he
needs some time and space and I am here to help you both.” This is also like scripting the behaviors
that we hope to see from them, as mentioned before.
16.
Help
them to start to mix their emotions. As an adult, we do
this all the time. We need to help them
prime the pump and begin to see all of the possibilities that life offers. “Did
you have a second thought? I saw you hesitate before you hit Maya. Your head said, I am really mad at her, but I
don’t want to hurt my friend.” Or “Ms. Layla is leaving and we will miss
her. It’s might be difficult to say
goodbye but she will be thinking of us, always.”
17.
If you need to move a student to be closer
to you, due to their lack of attention, make sure that they know that you do
this because you care and are trying to help them. “If I
ask you to come sit next to me, does it mean that I don’t care about you
anymore? Nope, it means I am trying to help you to do what is right. Your parents want you to learn Spanish with
me. I am here to help.”
I hope that these help you! If you ever need suggestions on how to handle
a specific situation better next time, please do not hesitate to contact
me. If I cannot help you, I know folks
in town who can and other resources!
kwolf@monfortonschool.org
Help me to aid our students in feeling more
connected, so that when things go wrong in their lives, they feel safe to come
to us first. We can help them better
than their peers, as they grow and mature.
Guide them with kindness and firm boundaries, so they may eventually see
both sides of every situation.
No comments:
Post a Comment